Recently, I had two unexpected physical setbacks within days of each other. The second setback caused me to go to the E.R., something I do not do quickly or often. Regretfully, during this time of excruciating pain, extreme sickness, and weakness I was treated in ways that I would not have treated others in. The people involved were fully aware of the details of each of my setbacks including my E.R. visit and regretfully, took advantage of me during these times. This made me think about the bigger picture: we all have people who are not in our inner circle but are in what I call the perimeter circle who we must interact with. People in our inner circle are those I consider to be my loved ones. People in the perimeter circle are those people I interact with whom I do not consider to be my loved ones (friends, etc.).
At times we have people from our perimeter circle take advantage of us and treat us in ways that they would not want to be treated in. When this happens it may help to remember that we cannot control how others behave but we can control our reactions and behaviors. Many of you reading this, if not all of you, along with me live in the energy of treating people in the positive ways that we want to be treated. Therefore, when we are treated in ways that we would not treat others in I think about this quote by Don Miguel Ruiz “Whatever happens around you don’t take it personally…..Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.”
It’s important for us to find the self-care tools that work for us especially in dealing with people who treat us in ways they would not desire to be treated. We are unique individuals and so it is not uncommon that what works for me may not work for you and vice versa. Two of the tools that help me move beyond situations in which people treat me in ways they would not want to be treated are forgiveness and connecting to the other side (-sometimes called Heaven, the afterlife etc.). Forgiveness is important because it is about me and you. Forgiveness is not about the people who have wronged us or otherwise treated us in ways they do not want to be treated. Forgiveness is about us acknowledging and processing our feelings in healthy ways which arise from those who have wronged us.
Depending on the severity of the hurt, pain, trauma, etc., will determine how often we need to go through the process of forgiveness. As we do this we let ourselves off the hook. The subject of forgiveness is something I discuss much more in depth in the book that I am writing. I also discuss what forgiveness is not. Some people think that if they forgive they are letting the people off the hook who have wronged them- this is not correct. Holding someone accountable for their behavior is different than going through the process of acknowledging your feelings and processing them in a healthy way (-forgiveness); they are two different situations. The positive about my situation with my physical set backs include the medical/E.R. staff were compassionate, empathetic, and professional. Second, I lost 3 pounds in approximately 4 days (-I am fighting to keep them off)! In closing, as always we deserve the best and nothing less! We are worth doing the work on ourselves, especially when people transgress against us, so that we can have the best lives possible.